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When are You Going to Have a Baby?

Brenda Albano

July 2, 2019

How to Answer the Question

If you’ve been trying to conceive for some time, the inevitable question will come from well-meaning family and friends: “When are you going to have a baby?” These seemingly innocent questions can really make you feel bad, especially if you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for a while. How to answer these questions without wanting to dot their eyes takes some ingenuity.

You can always plead the fifth. Simply not answering the question would surely send the message “This is a sore subject with me.” If the well-meaning folks won’t take a hint, just say “I’d rather not talk about when I may or may not decide to have a baby.” That should suffice. I’m rather surprised at the gall of some people when it comes to the personal questions about having a baby. I’m on the opposite end, with four little ones and the question often arises with me is “Are you going to have MORE?” I’m almost embarrassed to answer them, so I just play dumb, shrug and quickly change the subject. The answer, in case you’re wondering, is YES, I would love to have more someday!

You could end the questions by saying, “We’re not trying right now, we’ll let you know when we are.” That way you don’t have to answer the onslaught of “Oh, how long have you been trying? Are you seeing a doctor?” Etc. Of course for those who may know already that you are trying, you’ll just have to endure their inquisitions.

The best piece of advice I can give, is to not tell anyone you are trying to conceive, and if asked, simply plead silence, or tell them you aren’t trying at the moment. Sometimes it’s best to leave these things private, until you have confirmation that you are indeed pregnant. Even at that point, once pregnancy is achieved and confirmed, you will need to decide when the best time is to share the good news. Some wait for the second trimester to rule out early miscarriage, others spill the beans immediately.

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